Broche Banter #20 -- Lauren
Today on the show, I chat with Lauren, who started ballet for the first time less than a year ago. She danced in a small local studio with little kids and found us online during quarantine.
We talk about turnout, getting discouraged, and being obsessed with ballet.
Enjoy!
Julie: Well, welcome to the show. Lauren. I'm so excited to have you on today. Let's talk about your story with ballet.
Lauren: Alright, sounds good.
Julie: So, you are dancing in our online studio. You've been dancing with us since early quarantine. I would say since maybe March or April. I feel like you were one of our first early-quarantine new dancers.
Lauren: I think I found you like on YouTube. And so I was doing it a little but I think my I think it was like May I started but yeah, around that time. Yeah.
Julie: And it's now August. So that's just a few months. Okay, so you live in A little bit more of a rural area, right? You live in Montrose, Colorado, right? So it's a little bit farther out in the mountain. So what is what is around there? Had you been dancing there? Have you been dancing only in your home? What was your What was your ballet life like so far?
Lauren: I am, by nature a pretty shy person. So I was I kind of stumbled upon Pilates and that led me to ballet. And, and I was like, That's so cool. Like, I just loved the athleticism and the detail in it, and how it combined it with artistry as well. And so I, I was like, how do I get into this? And so I started making phone calls just to a few …. there were some tiny studios here in Montrose, but they rejected me. There was two that I got rejected from and then one that did allow me to join because they they're limit was 18 you know, 18 or younger for ballet. And I was like, well, I just wanted to, you know, see what it was like, and you know, and so yeah, one little school did let me in and they were super cool. So that was about the end of 2019. Like October/November 2019 that I did started taking class at this little studio. Well, it was a full dance studio for children, basically.
Julie: So I met you about six to eight months, maybe into your ballet life.
Lauren: Yeah.
Julie: Cool. And so I assume they had to shut down around the time that we did, right? Pretty much everyone did. And I heard mountains were hit pretty hard in Colorado.
Lauren: Yes, for some reason, our community for how small it is. I feel like yeah, it kind of did get hit hard. Yeah.
Julie: Yeah, I heard something to do with like lots of travelers who go to the mountains and kind of mixing and mingling lots of bubbles.
Lauren: Yes, yes.
Julie: So are you so Okay, so you started ballet, maybe now almost a year ago, maybe about 10 months ago. So you mentioned that you were a shy person in the very beginning and then you found Pilates sort of because of that, was that related to that? Or is it like how does that how does that fit into your to your journey?
Lauren: Well, I guess I've always been kind of an anxious person. And so I would use you know… I was I was into running for a while then I was into like, really hard like HIIT workouts just to get my blood pumping, and it helped my anxiety and so I kind of started …
I wasn't really comfortable with the gym situation. And so I just would work out at home or go running go for a hike with my husband, you know, stuff like that. Um, but I wasn't getting like the full wasn't getting the mental fulfillment that I felt like I wanted. So I kind of just… my mother in law actually talked to me a little bit about ballet, like she, from an early age had done ballet gone en pointe and just told me about how much she loved it. And she was like, if you want to workout that is the most intense workout you'll ever get. And I was like, Ooh, that sounds interesting.
So that was kind of so I had already started Pilates because I was like, well, this is crazy workout even though it doesn't feel like it… it doesn't necessarily you wouldn't think it would be. And then I was like, well, that's awesome because then I could get like the artistry of you know, expressing yourself with music. I love art, I’m very passionate about theater and all that so I think it kind of just fit that niche for me.
On other artistic pursuits
Julie: Did you do you mentioned passion for art in music. Did you do anything? Kind of art and music as a younger person or even now as an adult?
Lauren: Very much. Yes. I love to draw and I do some. It's called stipple work where it's basically you use it's just pen and ink. And so you create with dots. So I've always really loved art, I've loved art all all my life.
Julie: Wow, that's amazing. So you create it's like basically pixel art kind of but like manually with dots on paper?
Lauren: Yeah, kinda like that. Yeah, yeah, so I'll do that are a lot of Yeah, I I've done a little bit of painting but mostly I do black and whites.
Julie: Wow. And do you ever mix them? Do you ever draw ballet?
Lauren: That is one of my new projects is I do want to. I haven't had time yet. Ballet’s been kind of been all-absorbing, which I enjoy.
Julie: Bali is very all encompassing. There's never enough time to do all the ballet we want to do.
Julie: How much do you dance right now?
Lauren: So I, I do it every day. So I try to join your live classes as much as possible. But then, but I'll always I love the Technique Library because if I've missed a class, I can just jump on and be like, “hey, okay, I have this much time. So I'm gonna, you know, do a conditioning or I'm going to do this barre class,” you know, and I have a couple of my favorites that I'll repeat, so I do probably an hour a day.
Julie: That's a lot of dancing.
Lauren: I'm kind of obsessed.
Julie: Ballet ballet’ll, gotcha. If you're not careful. You know, it’ll grab you and suck you in.
On why we love ballet
Lauren: Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure you kind of like it too?
Julie: I'm obsessed. I mean, I’m all around ballet items [decorations]. I know I'm obsessed I got her from the first class I had I had a very similar situation with you where the only thing that was really quiet my mind down was moving my body, but it was always hard to find something that I liked to do. Sports are a disaster. I'm terrible at hand eye coordination, like you throw something at me, it always hits me in the face no matter what it is or how big it is, or how slowly it was thrown at me.
So I needed something individual. You know, team sports are not my bag. So dance kind of allowed my brain to quiet down because it requires so much thought as you're mentioning the mental aspect of it is huge.
Lauren: And that's that was exactly you know, I think I don't know how you are, but I feel like in a lot of ways, I'm very much a perfectionist. Maybe that's the ballet personality. I'm not sure but, but um, it was kind of interesting is like I was like, wow, like I can just be completely absorbed in this for an hour or however much time I have. And it just flies by, like, you know, my husband be like, you were in there for like two hours. And I’m like “I was?!” Like, he's super supportive. He's, like, stoked that I'm so interested in it, but it was just like, you just yeah, I mean, it really has been such a, like it's become a big part of my life.
Julie: So it's interesting, chatting with you as best especially as we go, as we're continuing to be in this lockdown situation for the, you know, foreseeable future in terms of being safer at home and kind of writing this whole thing out. I'm curious to get your thoughts on the experience of home dancing, because so many people have a different experience with it, where some people really really miss the studio aspect. They miss leaping around, they miss their friends, and then some people who maybe are more like you and me are really happy in our own world in our own home and we can get that escape in our own room. What's missing in the home setting from your experience in the studio? Or vice versa, even?
Lauren: I guess the the only one thing that I would say, I kind of did enjoy and I think you're slowly bringing it in is like actually learning dances together like the four little swans and like, and so I was so stoked that you did that because I was like, this is something that we can all learn together. Maybe we're not like actually physically together. But we can each take our time and do it. And so, yeah, I think that's really cool. And unfortunately, my schedule hasn't lended itself to be able to participate in the live classes, but after I've watched them. And so that was one thing that with the little, the little girls that I was dancing with, it was kind of it was really cool because we were learning the dance for their recital. I wasn't actually going to perform in it because that'd be kind, well, anyway …. kind of humorous. Because they're, you know, they're so cute though they're like, um, you know, 12/14 you know, like, and already been in ballet for like three years to, you know, not going en pointe yet or anything but like, so they were so cute because we would all encourage each other. Our teacher had choreographed a dance to Up, that Disney or no Pixar movie, for that one song. And it was so cute. And it was really technical. Like I thought, I mean, you know, all of us kind of struggled with it. And so I, but it was like teamwork. And so I guess I like that, like, you know, it wasn't a competitive, which it might be like for, like, if you're working towards professional, you know, but for me, it was just like, you know, all the girls were like, “I'm having a problem with this,” so we would kind of like, you know, when someone did it. Well, we'd be like “That's awesome.” So that's kind of maybe one thing.
But really, like, I'm so impressed with how much you can pick up like that if I'm not, you know, if I'm, if I'm not raising my arm enough, you know like my elbow dips down you know you're, you're able to see that or like, if I'm not turned out…. the fact that you’re able to give me those tips is invaluable during class like, awesome.
Julie: Yeah, the shared experience I think is a big piece that's fun about dance and about art in general. I think one of my favorite things about dance and music is that you can go to any country and watch a dance show and you can experience it right so you see a video of someone dancing and then the caption’s in another language and you have no idea what the caption is about, but you still experienced what they were saying to you, right? They are communicating to you in our communal language our musical language of dance.
Lauren: Exactly, yeah,
Julie: Yeah, I mean, I think that I think to your second point on like what you can see over video I always liken it to like if you're… so like I've been on Instagram for a long time for a long time, right? Two three years like sharing videos of me dancing right? And it's a tiny video. Instagram’s small you can't zoom in right the videos are really small. But yet you still get people commenting like this was technically wrong. This this over here needs to be fixed. Like that tiny thing needs to be fixed. And it's a tiny video. I mean, it's video is still looking at you. I mean, you can't walk around the dancer right? But you can see what they’re showing you and correct what you're able to you know what you're looking at.
Lauren: Yeah, like I mean for for adults like me and that are in a small community where there isn't necessarily maybe an adult specific ballet course you know, or a ballet program, it's so nice that I can have this option and can dance as much as I want. It's awesome.
Julie: All day every day in fact.
Lauren: And yeah, just the fact that, you know, like, I know you mentioned before, and when you're, you know, just that adults, we do learn differently. Like, we need to know the “why.” Whereas for children, you know, like, even in that small studio, I really feel like they tried to accommodate me and I enjoyed it. I did. Um, but the children learn differently. Like, if I were to stop and ask questions, like I'm able to with you, they, you know, they'd be bored so I can respect that, you know?
Julie: It's different. They all they, the kids who have taught are so different from the adults, like they just, they have an incredible ability to mimic and they just mimic the heck out of whatever you're doing. They pick up on tiny details like how you're holding your chin, or whatever, we're adults don't pick up on that. In the same way, like We want to know specifically why and when and how and what muscles are being used to do it, and the kids will just do it. Later in life, it's always interesting to come back when they do come back to ballet, and I tell them about the why and be like, Oh, I didn't know that how that worked or like they're doing it beautifully, they have beautiful technique, but they don't actually know why they're doing it like that, because they never got that. Oftentimes once you become a professional, you do go through this yourself or you learn how to do it or if anyone comes back from injury, they go through this process, but if you quit at 15 or 16 you didn't get there in your training where you where you've gotten to your adult mind with that.
A little turnout discussion on muscles and how it feels
Lauren: No, that makes sense, it is fascinating because it's like they're these tiny muscles like I don't know how long it took me months to figure out how to engage my turnout muscles like seriously because I was like what squeeze your butt?!
Julie: …. and how will that rotate your legs exactly?!
Lauren: But I remember you and Jessica (former Broche instructor) are like just keep squeezing!
Julie: So how'd you figure it out? Tell me what what what what visual works for you when you're like engaged your turnout muscles, what does it feel like to you? See if you can describe it.
Lauren: Oh, God, you know what it comes more from like, the underneath part of your bottom? And then actually what really helps me is that the muscle on the inside of my knee?
And and like knowing if that is engaged that I'm like, I got it. Okay. Okay, now I know that I'm doing the full turnout, what I can do right now. Um, so that's kind of the feeling that I look for. And then you know, if I have a mirror, then all I can see you know, where my muscles are moving, rotating, you know. But, yeah, it's super interesting. It's a it's just a fascinating art.
Julie: It is, I mean, that muscle on the side of the knee comes from the inside of the knee up across your thigh and connects up to your hip. So it's like pulling your knee and your hip and your like quad open. So it goes like if you can picture if you trace from the inside of your knee up your inner thigh across the top of your quads to the top of your head. So it is very much a cross rotational.
Lauren: I don't think I didn't quite understand the connection. All I knew is like when I felt that like, okay, you're good. Ah, so it connects all the way to like, Is it the the outside of your hip or where?
Julie: Like your hip, it's like, I think it's like your hip pointer. So like, you know your pelvis and then the little pokey part that sticks out in the front. So it's like across. So like your turnout muscles both push from the back and pull from the inside. It's like the whole leg, pushing and pulling. So the inner thighs pull forward. The back of the leg pulls behind the underbutt. I call it the butt under wire. The under but is like the bottom of the turnout muscles and then you have the muscle that goes from your knee up and across. Which is what we're talking about pulling your like straight while you're turning in.
Lauren: It's so like, so yeah, like, honestly, I mean, it took a while, like, once in a while in when I was with the, the kids, you know, I could like once in a great while feel that but really it wasn't until I started taking classes with you that I was like, oh my god it Okay, like, I had seen certain exercises on your YouTube channel before I joined your class. And I was like, oh, okay, so it helped me to kind of get it more. And I think it was one of Cristina's tutorials too that kind of helped as well. Yeah. And then I was like, Oh, I get it. So…
Julie “Oh, rotate the leg, got it!”
Lauren: Like and you know, like, like you're saying children learn differently, teenagers learn differently, and so like, you know, the teacher was awesome, but it was just like, yeah wasn't what I it wasn't exactly what I needed. Yes, that I’m glad that I found you.
Julie: I think we also like the real the realness of it right so like I think a lot of times when you're in a, in a good environment the you you think everyone else is not struggling at it because no one's talking about the fact that it's hard or painful or like you're in your pointe shoes, which I know you're not on point yet but you're in your pointe shoes, no one else seems to be struggling and you're like, I'm over here, really suffering and no one else is suffering or like, they are but no one is talking about the fact that they're suffering and so you think you're doing it wrong. Like I think you asked one time in class about turnout, uh, thinking that maybe it was going to get easier at some point and like, expecting it to get easier because we're sometimes we forget to talk about how hard it is. And it's always hard.
Lauren: Yeah, yeah, no, that's exactly what that was. I was like, Yeah, I was surprised because like you said, you know, when I see like performances, or I see you like, you know, even these children, you know, it's like It seems like it's no big deal. Like, you know, like, Oh no, my butt cheeks don't hurt like, Oh no, I'm like, my legs don't hurt after this like no big deal.
Julie: Right? I think it's I think it's… if we don't talk about how much it hurts I think it can make us feel like we are doing it wrong or we're not cut out for it or we're not getting it or something if we don't talk about the fact that it's actually really hard. Whereas like, this is like the only art form or like sport where you don't talk about how hard it is like we're, if I'm in a crazy like you You mentioned doing HIIT workout. If you're in a HIIT workout, it is obvious that everyone is struggling, it is expected that you will be suffering the teacher comes in telling you you're going to suffer. You're not like surprised when you're suffering by the end of it.
Lauren: Yeah, yeah. No, you're absolutely right. So yeah. When like, you know, like as you're giving reminders during your live classes, you know, like, are you engaging this, are you pulling up your knees, how is your back, And those are things that it's like, I finally realized those, I'm always going to have to think about those things. And that's a part of what I love so much is like there's always something to work on. Even professionals need to go back to the barre. That's always their beginning. And I think that that's so fascinating.
““As you’re giving reminders during your live classes, like “are you engaging this,” “are you pulling up your knees,” “how is your back,” and I finally realized I’m always going to have to think about those things.
And that’s a part of what I love so much is like there’s always something to work on. Even professionals need to go back to the barre. That’s always their beginning. And I think that’s so fascinating.””
Julie: You've learned so much in such a short period of time about the philosophy of ballet and like what we're doing at the bar, do you do you study, do you read? How did you learn so much about what's about what the point of the whole thing is? I think it took me forever to get where you are in terms of understanding of like, what we're doing what we're trying to do, how did you… What happened?
Lauren: I, I, you know, it's kind of funny, I just started to… I think I investigated on YouTube, like I watched a whole bunch of tutorials and read some... I looked at a lot of what you had to offer on your YouTube channel before I joined and then yeah, I think I just did a lot of research and watched a lot of Yeah.
Because I was just so fascinated, I didn't understand. I mean, when I started, I told my friends I'm interested in ballet and they’re like, “But you’re old!”
Julie: “Thanks, friend!”
Lauren: I was like, I don't want to do it like professionally, you know, I was like, I'm just, I think it's fascinating. It's beautiful. And they're like, Lauren, are you gonna like wear a tutu? And, well, actually, I was thinking of buying one.
So yeah, it's like I kind of just yeah, I think it was just doing doing research and yeah, I you have Yeah, I think I'm probably kind of very obsessed with it. So yeah, I'm always watching stuff and reading. Yeah.
Getting discouraged
Julie: Do you ever get discouraged?
Lauren: Yes, sometimes I do. Yes. Yeah, definitely. Like, especially with certain…. Like, with my balance, I really struggle with my balance a lot. And so I'm like, my goodness, how long like am I gonna be able to like I can't… Like, yeah, like, there's certain things that I just feel like, why is this side not as good as this side or, you know, like, and so I will get, I'll get frustrated and I'll be like, “I'm never gonna look that good” or, you know, and not not even necessarily that I have, like, a distinctive goal, but it's like, I do want to be able to use it to like express myself or, you know, just for myself, not for anybody else, you know. So yeah, I do get discouraged.
Julie: Yeah, I think it's a part of it. Do you get that same discouragement in the other art forms or exercise that you do? Or is that exclusive to ballet?
Lauren: Oh, I get discouraged in my other Yeah. Like, sometimes with, like a picture I'm working on, I'm never completely satisfied with my work. So that's probably a deficiency on my part. You know that I can't just be happy. Like, I'm always going back and, you know, and that's something I've done for decades is this type of, you know, art, so I know I won't ever be perfect at it. And same with ballet. And I know that that's why it appeals to me. There's always something to work on. But yeah, it is. I do kind of get like, you know, “oh, man, like, if only I would have started this younger, like, maybe I could have…..” you know, I don't know if you've had those feelings.
Julie: Totally. Um, what do you what do you do? What do you do with those feelings? What do they What? How do they manifest? Do they end up with taking a break? Do you push through them? Do you have like a go to pick me up song? How do what do you do when these feelings come?
Lauren: That's a good question. You know, I honestly think what is the most encouraging is being in your live classes.
Julie: That’s sweet!
Lauren: No, it's true, because I think, you know, just seeing how many participants there are, you know, like, in sometimes, like, if I get a sec, like, before the class starts, I'll just kind of like, see, like, look and see everybody and I think that that's really encouraging. And then the fact that you're so supportive, and, you know, it kind of just feels like, okay, you know, we're kind of all in the same boat, you know, it's like, and we struggle with similar things. So yeah, I definitely think if I'm doing feeling discouraged? I'm like, I think I might need to take more live classes this week if I if I can, or, you know, like, so usually that Yeah, like, I think last week, I was only able to take like, maybe one. And I usually try to do… my goal is to do as many as I can. So like, you know, I would like to do more like three or four. But you know, just depends, you know, life gets in the way. You know,
Julie: I know, that whole thing.
Lauren: Yeah, life. I know, the whole, the whole work thing.
Julie: Yeah, I think there I think it is important to have someone or something that that will help you feel inspired and like that you're not alone in it. Right? I think that maybe is a point that you were touching on a little bit in both. Maybe that's kind of like, what's helping you feel that way with the live classes that you're not alone in terms of peers, right? You have peers who are in the boat with you, but then you also have a supportive person telling you like, Hey, I'm on the other side of it, and it's gonna be fine, like you're gonna get like you're gonna get to the other side of it, but then there's also people on that side with you. So maybe just like not feeling alone from both of those aspects is important.
On improving & mindset
Lauren: Well, and what I do really appreciate in your classes is the fact that, like, you'll, you'll tell me, you know, okay, you know, make sure that you're presenting the heel make sure that you know, just whatever detail that you see. And then the next time you actually remember and you mentioned to me, Hey, you did better on that. I can see your turnout’s better on that leg, you know, that we were working on that last time. And so that makes me feel like okay, like, I'm that Yeah, like in this, even though it might be small it to me, it's like, it's huge. Like, you know, I'm making advancement, I'm progressing slowly, but surely.
Julie: It makes all the difference. I think that that kind of language as I've learned, over the years, like, you know, you talk about the idea of the growth mindset versus the fixed mindset. So that's like just a big idea of whether or not you think you can get better or if you think you're already as good as you could ever get. And I always try to encourage dancers to have a growth mindset. I mean, I try to encourage myself too, I still don't have it everywhere all the time, I still listen to that voice. And I'm like, What are you saying in there? So I still hear that voice in myself. But I try to encourage people to say like, I am not the one doing the work that you are doing right? I haven't given you this advice, but you took it ran with it and turned your leg out. That was you. That's your success. That's your doing. That's me, like giving you a tip that you took and applied to your body. It's not me doing it for you. And I always want people to feel empowered, that they're the ones doing it, you're the one making the progress. You're the one doing the work. You're the one who can do whatever you put your mind to, and like getting that confidence is is really, really important to me that we all develop in our life.
Lauren: I totally agree. And I think that ballet helps a lot with that, like I you know, you're talking about when you kind of get discouraged and I always think of one of my good friends that she she would always tell me because I she knew I was a perfectionist she'd be like, “progress, not perfection.” And I was like, Oh, you're right. So it is and with ballet, it's constant, like, you know, and I think that's what's kind of encouraging too is the fact that you even see, like, if you look at these gorgeous dancers like Natalie Osipova, they're just like, so but she still has to do the barre, she still has to go to barre class. She's still you know, so it's kind of like, everybody recognizes that. It's a very, very athletic and very difficult art. And I think that's cool.
Julie: It is. It's really it's really super cool. And when you start getting things, I think, I think for many of us coming to it as adults, it is a way to build confidence and self-motivation, and discipline and like you said, life gets in the way, but we learn how to prioritize things to make time for to make time for the things that we care about. And that this helps show us that we have that ability to make the time for the stuff that we care about and to make ourselves be important, and learning all of those lessons through dancing.
Lauren: Well, yet well, yeah, you think of them. I was thinking of some of your students that are, you know, maybe even started later than me, you know, like, and, and my age too, like, I am in the best shape of my life, because of starting. Seriously, like, I mean, like, so it's so cool, because it's something that you completely enjoy. And then you see, like, older people too like, how it's benefiting them physically. And I'm sure mentally as well and gaining that confidence. We never had the confidence, like when I was a child, I never had the confidence to dance or even you know, my mom would even put me in dance class. I'd be like, hell no. I’m not doing that. So yeah, it's like now it's like, Who cares? You know, who cares how old you are, like, if you know what other people think. But it's like, we know that we're doing something that we love and you know, like, and and we're enjoying it. So, yeah.
““Who cares how old you are if you know what other people think. But it’s like, we know that we’re doing something that we love and we’re enjoying it.””
Julie: That's what matters. That's what matters.
Lauren: Yeah, yeah, it's really yeah. So anyway, very, it's very inspiring to see all of ya all of your students and yeah, and you like every, all the effort you put into this is I yeah, I have to say I so appreciate it.
Julie: Well, as you know, I'm also obsessed with ballet. So the fact that there's other people out there just as obsessed as me makes me really happy because we get to share it together we get to share in. And there's other people who want to hear all the nerdy conversations about anatomy and how exactly it works and, and you all want to have the conversation with me. And that's really, really cool that there's people who show up every day, day after day inspired me to work harder. You know, I see people come in four or five days a week like you're dancing every day. I'm like, man, I gotta get dancing. For myself, you know, I think each other to keep going and that's, that's the key. That's what always like has kept me going through the studio. It's always a lot of work, but it's always for the reason of sharing something super cool with super cool people.
Lauren: No, we really like just the few dancers that I've seen regularly and that I've gotten to chat a little bit with I’m just like, wow, these are like really high quality people like, yeah, and we all have a common a common ground, even though we come from so many different cultures and backgrounds like very cool.
Julie: Very cool. Very, very cool. Well, on that note, Lauren, thank you so much for joining me today. This was such a fun conversation. I hope everyone out there is inspired to start ballet just like you did and follow their dreams, whatever those might be.
Lauren: I hope so too. I really enjoyed it. Thank you.
Want to be on the show, or want to nominate a friend?
We’d love to have you! Fill out the form below!
