Broche Banter #17 -- Jessie
Today on the show, I talk with Jessie, a dancer who started ballet for the first time ever as an adult, about 3 years ago.
We talk about her absolute love for ballet, how it has helped her build self confidence after a difficult time with postpartum depression, and how her hard work has transformed her from her tomboy teenage years struggling with pigeon toed legs to a beautiful ballerina about to get her first pair of pointe shoes.
Enjoy!
““You don’t have to be perfect. You’re ok the way you are. It’s ok to try ballet, and if you decide that it’s not for you, that’s ok too.
You don’t need the perfect body. You don’t need to know everything, because if you have a good teacher, they’ll help you learn the terms and help nurture your experience.”
”
Julie: Well, Jessie, welcome to the show. I'm so excited to have you on bros banter today to hear all about your story with ballet!
Jessie: It's so nice to finally talk to you. I know we've talked a lot, like on Instagram and on YouTube, I comment a lot on your stuff, but we haven't actually got to meet. So it's nice to actually talk in somewhat live.
Julie: You are an adult dancer, you're in the adult dance community, the adult ballet community. We've been followers for a while I've been watching your story and I'm so excited to hear it basically from beginning to where we are now. Where did it start?
Jessie: So I actually didn’t start ballet till I was a completely an adult. So I never danced as a kid. And to kind of give some context to like, what happened to lead me to wanting to try ballet. When I was really little, I was really really pigeon toed like, severely pigeon toed. So bad that my parents actually took me to an orthopedic specialist because they were worried that there was like something wrong.
The orthopedist specialist said, No, you're fine, go on your merry way. But as I grew up as a kid, my my hips still did not want to… they still wanted … my feet still wanted to turn in really badly. So I basically decided that I couldn't do ballet because I was not physically able to and I also just wasn't interested, I was really a really big tomboy and my mom asked me She's like, are you sure you don't want to do ballet? And I was like, No, I want to do karate because that was what my best friend at the time was doing. So of course you have to know what your friend is doing.
So I did that and when I was like a little older and I was more into music because I started playing the viola and I started singing a lot and I learned about music. I was like, dang now I wish I would have taken ballet because it's you know, it has that connection to classical music and I've always been really good at picking up patterns and things. Because of music I think, that's a lot of it and I also have I have a really good memory so I could like listen to a song and remember the song pretty easily.
So I got to be a teenager I was like well now it's too late to do ballet because I'm too old and my you know, my physical ability is not possible and around that time I still was having issues with my legs so I end up having a lot of knee problems because I was pronating so badly on my arches that it was making my knees turn in and then I was making everything hurt. So I went to the doctor and they were like, Well, one thing you have really hyperextended knees. So that's like part of the problem. And the other thing so they put me into the physical therapy and I got some orthotic insoles and that basically like my orthotic insoles basically like this [Jessie makes a little dome shape with her hands"], so they kept me from rolling in. And then I still kind of was having some issues, I end up going to the doctor again, at some point when I was 15 or so. And my doctor had never really watched me walk before and he was like, okay, you need to have an X-ray because I think you have a hip dysplasia.
And turns out I didn't, luckily, so that's, you know, I didn't had didn't have to have surgery or anything then. So that saved me from having to you know, have that but same time I was like, well then what's wrong? I'm like, you know what, they never really had an answer. It's just, you know, this is just how you are. So, anyway, so I started some physical therapy again, that was kind of focusing on my hips and my knees and to kind of help supplement and strengthen my body up and I didn't really keep up with that as much as I should have. And then kind of time went on, I just kept wearing my insoles and I basically became neutral at that point rather than turned in. So I still had a little bit of a weird gait. But it still was it was mostly neutral.
So then fast forward a few years, I kind of just kind of started getting the idea of like, you know, I wonder if there's ballet for adults, I kind of kept looking around and where I live, well where we're live now is very small, but where I lived before, there wasn't very many options. And I was working at the time, so I didn't have time to go. So I kind of like Well, no, this obviously can't work right now. So I kind of put that aside and then after I had my daughter, I kind of started to look around a little bit more because I wasn't working anymore. So I was like and now I want something to do you know, I want to be able to get out my house and do something that's not around my child.
And I was dealing with a lot of depression and anxiety and I just kind of needed something to have an outlet so I ended up finding a studio that was only like 15 minutes from my house, really tiny place. Before I went to classes because I was really nervous to go, it was like, I'm going to be terrible at this, like, this is going to be awful. So I had already kind of been poking around on the YouTube a little bit and I came across Kathryn Morgan, and I was watching a ton of her videos and like trying to like do her barres when even though I had no idea what I was doing, you know, I was just like trying to copy because I'm pretty good, pretty visual learner. So I was just kind of like sitting there trying to copy, probably with horrible technique, but it was good because it gave me like, some sort of basis because then I took that first class, I was like, Okay, I know. What I'll do is I know what a tendu is, I know what a plié is. And he didn't explain to me Okay, this is how you do it rond de jambe, Jessie. So it helped me advance really quickly. Um, and he was really surprised with how, within a couple months I was able to do some pretty like complicated things just because I because I practice at my house almost every day to I did barre and they also because I've done that preliminary research. It kind of helped me get my head start. So. So yeah, that's basically what happened.
So that was almost exactly three years ago because I started right before I turned 29. Yeah. And I just had my birthday. So yeah, it was like right before my birthday that I started so yeah, so that's kind of the story there.
So I basically started to kind of try to….. part of it was to give me something to do. But also it was, I was wanting to try to see if I could do something to help my hips a little bit more, because my mother has really bad hips and actually had a hip replacement this last year. So it was one of those things was like, I wanted to avoid having to have a problem later on. So I can say it's definitely helped me a lot like I don't have to wear my orthotics anymore because my feet are strong that they hurt my feet if I wear them, like really badly. I can't stand in them because they hurt. So there's too much there's too much, you know, support now.
So and I don't you know, I don't have any issues with like pain or anything like, and I never really had issues with my hips hurting it was mostly just like a like a tightness and like it was blocked like I couldn't… I think some of that is a anatomical thing like I realized that I'm never gonna be able to have this you know 180 degree split to a la seconde and I'm like totally fine with that I accept that. But so a lot of it is like tightness too though, and muscle weakness because when I do my exercises and I'm good about doing all my turnout stuff, then it definitely helps the rotation better so because of it is that you know, I can rotate my leg and I can't hold it there so it's a lot of it is a weakness rather than I think a deformity or anything.
I think there probably is a little bit of torsion or something too. Again, I haven't been able to prove that but you know, there's only so much you can do to to explore that route unless you get like MRIs and all those sorts of things.
Julie: Right, the number of ballet classes you can take for the price of one MRI is high.
Jessie: Yeah, and also how much you want to try to, you know, fix it or also, you know, pay to try to get it sorted out. So, and for a while I was going to a chiropractor, but I didn't feel like that really necessarily did anything more than I was already doing, you know, so I just kind of was like, Well, you know, I don't think I really need this anymore. So I kind of stopped going. But I did try a little bit of massage therapy and that definitely helped a little bit more than I would say the adjustments did but, but it was also like time consuming and expensive. A massage every week is not you know, cheap.
Julie: No, not at all. That adds up really fast.
What drove you to try to overcome those hurdles and try ballet?
Julie: So, okay, so, um, a lot of people if they are, you know, pigeon toed and feel like it's too late for them wouldn't even try to go into a studio. Do you know what you like, what, what was, was there like a really big driver, like, why did you get over it? Why did you get over that initial hurdle?
Jessie: I'm not exactly sure. I think it was kind of just like looking back on My past as a kid, you know, kids aren't always kind to people. So I got teased a lot when I was a little kid. So that made me feel really self conscious all the time. And I got really shy and so I just kind of, I wanted to do something to try to, you know, feel better about my body, I guess, I think was it so it was also, like I said I was also dealing with a lot of depression and anxiety. I had really bad postpartum depression. And I didn't even know I had it. So because I felt like I was fine and I went to the doctor and they're like, oh, you're, you have postpartum depression. Here you go. We have some medicine that that helped, you know, and then when I started I started ballet about the same time as that and that completely just like, shifted my entire mental space and also my you know, physically to you know, I put me in better shape in it. I lost a lot of like, 20 pounds a week. So yeah. Yeah, just from doing ballet nearly every day and also from the medication I was on because I was not eating my feelings anymore, you know?
Julie: About postpartum depression, I've actually had a couple of episodes where we talked about that it does fascinating how an undiagnosed or untalked about it or it just goes unnoticed. And then for many ballet was a way to help pull them out of it but didn't even know they just thought, what about me what's going on
Jessie: For me it was really confusing and also frustrating because I also have a thyroid disorder so and when I had low thyroid symptoms, usually it was depression. So I thought I was like, Well, no, my thyroid is just low test my thyroid. She's like, well, I did and you're fine. So it's obviously something else. You know, I was frustrated cuz I was like, This has never happened to me before. Like every single time. I've been up you know, I've had a low thyroid. It's been I've had depression. It's like the cause of it. I've been fine since I had a medication dosage. No, it was not hurt his team was a pain Well, okay, what's what you know? So because I'm on medication for both, so it's like, well, what's what then? Like, am I just depressed? Or am I actually like having other problems. So that's a whole thing that makes it hard to figure out especially because you also gain weight if you have a thyroid disorder, or you lose weight, depending on what scale you're on of the spectrum, you know, so. So I gained a bunch of weight to and then I lost a bunch of weight after I had my daughter because my thyroid was too high. And then I gained the weight back and that was like this whole yo yo thing, you know, and it was like, you know, trying to figure out what was going on. It was really challenging.
Julie: Yeah. Now did any of that affect how you felt in the ballet studio in terms of your in terms of your weight fluctuation and all of that?
Jessie: Not really, I was okay with my body at that point. I just kind of you know, I was always a little self conscious because I've always been like, larger. You know, I've never been very skinny But, but you know, I just kind of, it's weird because I almost feel more confident when I wear ballet clothes and I don't wear ballet clothes, there’s something about putting on the leotard and tights like the way that it like is so formfitting it almost makes me feel better about myself because you can actually see my body shape and it's not like a tent, you know? So like a rectangle, like, see my waist, okay, you know, you see my hips. So you know, I just kind of started like, I was like, okay I’m doing this, put on the ballet clothes went to ballet class and then it was like not even a second thought and then as I started to lose some weight and also get better, it really helped me feel more secure with myself and my body and also with my confidence level, I think a lot.
Because as I started to get more advanced he my teacher often would have me be the one that demonstrated things or I would be the guinea pig who would have to go first in like the the waltz across the floor like they just like everyone stepped back and I just be like Looking around, like, Do I really have to go first every time guys, you know, so it was always me that was like the person that was kind of the spotlight of the combination or whatever. And people would be like watching me and I'm like, don't watch me I still don't know what I'm doing. You know, but But yeah, they still would. And so that kind of forced me to have to try harder and also to like, be comfortable enough to be in front even though the class was very small. Like the the most we only the people we had was like, five is very, very tiny. And I knew these people after a while they so it wasn't so like scary, but it still was one of those things where I was like, Well, here you go. You're you're in the front.
So it makes you have to get over your insecurities pretty fast, I think.
Have you ever wanted to quit?
Julie: Sure. does. It sure does. Did you say you started ballet now three years ago in this period of time over three years. Did you ever want to quit or have has it been a smooth ride along the way?
Jessie: Well, it's really funny because as soon as I took first class I got really obsessed, like completely obsessed. I came home and I was like, I want to go back. I want to do it again. And so from then on, I started going twice a week every week. And it was like, like a routine.
““As soon as I took first class I got really obsessed, like completely obsessed. I came home and I was like, I want to go back. I want to do it again. And so from then on, I started going twice a week every week. And it was just a routine. Like I had to go to my class every Tuesday and Thursday.””
Like I had to go to my class every Tuesday and Thursday. And my husband was lucky enough at the time that he his job was a little bit more flexible and he was able to come home early to childsit and then I could go to class. And even he even said that his co workers like Oh, they know when it's ballet day because he has to leave early.
Yeah, so um, but I never wanted to quit. I got last year was more challenging and this this year because Joe's job has gotten a lot more intense and he's gotten a promotion so he's had now he has a lot more responsibility. So last summer I kind of started thinking about looking for other options because it's hard for him to get off work early and come home and paying for a babysitter every single week, two times a week is kind of excessive and my my family doesn't live close by they live for free. minutes away, though I don't have any to help me really.
So I also was feeling a little bit stuck at that studio because I felt like I wasn't really progressing anymore. And I was getting kind of frustrated because I wasn't getting as many corrections as I wanted to. And there was also steps I just didn't know how to do. But then that was frustrating if I tried to go somewhere else because it was like, Oh, I don't know how to do that. But I know how to do everything else. But you know, so it's like we get to grande allegro, and they’re like, tour jeté, and I’m like okay, I'll try this. I've never done this before.
Yeah, like literally there was a class I took where they they gave like a tour jeté and a sauté de basque, and I was like, Alright, I've had like a brief introduction to tour jeté, you know, I didn't know how to do so a sauté de basque, so I just winged it. Things like that. Where like I should have known how to do it. But you know, and then it was frustrating. So I took a class it was easier than it felt like I wasn't being challenged enough. So it was like trying to find that balance of like what was be a good fit for me, that was progressive but also like a level that I could handle.
So I kind of went to a few places. I tried a couple that I didn't like. And then I found one that I actually liked a lot that was was actually a class I took with teenagers. That was definitely like, definitely liberating like, oh my god. It was like, I was super nervous about that because there there were girls doing, like, triple pirouettes. I'm like, okay, and I hung in there as well as I could and the teacher is super nice. He was he actually did really good for like, you know, he's like really You did really good and I was like, you know, and so when I was going to start going there but just didn't work out with like schedules and timing. So I end up finding a different studio that's it's quite far for me it's almost an hour drive, but I do it because it's like it's the option that I have and for I was doing twice a week there. But it I had to drop the Monday night class. It was just getting too hard for trying to get Joe home in time to get me there, it just kind of became an issue. So I dropped that when I was going to Saturday classes every Saturday, so and that was nice. And it was a good class for me because it was, it was basic enough that I knew what to do. But it was also progressive. So we started working on things I hadn't seen before, you know, but I felt very at ease, like I could handle the combinations easily and do them well, because then I was able to improve a lot.
I feel I improved a lot with like my tendus and like, just really simple things that I that people hadn't necessarily paid attention to as much like the smaller details like I was, I had talked to that teacher about doing starting pointe at some point and she was looking at my ankles and my feet and she was like, She's like, Oh, we need to fix this. I was like, pointing my foot so hard that it was sickling and no one had ever corrected me. So I was like, Oh, I completely changed. I thought about doing tendus and how I worked my ankle forward rather than just trying to push my foot forward. So and that made a huge difference and then I feel like I've really like grown since then.
Let’s talk COVID
And then of course COVID hit and then that kind of put everything on a damper so because obviously we couldn’t go in person anymore so yeah, and online, I just, I tried to do a couple of like, I tried to just give myself class like I had been doing and like do YouTube videos, but I really quickly lost motivation to do that just because like, well, I kind of got defeatist about it. I was like, Well, if I can't go to ballet class anytime soon, then what's the point? You know, like, Why bother keep going, which was definitely a mistake because the studio I used to go to was able to reopen because it's so small it fit within the guidelines of where we are in Washington with our reopening phase. So I've been able to go to class a little bit now like once a week is what I've been managing to do, and that first class was like, oh, everything hurt and it was like oh my god why did I Why did I take a break? I took like three months off and did nothing you know and it definitely paid for it and a little bit with them with a feeling really sore and out of just out of shape and out of sorts you know.
Julie: With with so many reasons to not do ballet right. We all have so many reasons why we can't do it shouldn't do it won't be able to do it. This this last few months has definitely been a big eye opener for everyone on terms of like, really digging deep on why we why you like it and what we're doing it for and what and we all have different reasons. And we've all found different reasons as to why I had to why we recommitted why we've fallen out of it and come back to it why we've you know what, what, what works for ourselves. I think we've all had to like actually make conscious choices about our decisions about ballet.
Jessie: Yeah, definitely. Well, that's the nice thing about ballet, you can choose that you can always come back and it's still there. You still know how to do the steps, even if it's even if you feel like you're having a hard time with it, you can still you still know how to do it, you still know how to do a plié and a tendu. So kind of comes back to you pretty fast. And that was what happened with me as last few weeks where you know, that first class was really hard. And then the next one, it was like, Oh, it was like I was back already. You know, I was able to do, you know, a little bit more difficult things again, and it was even though we're moving pretty slowly. It was like, okay, we're still we're starting to get it back.
Julie: It does. It does. It does come back. Like it's like you know how to ride a bike or like swimming. Yeah, exactly. You just remember how to do
Jessie: Yeah, for sure. Right.
Julie: If there is another shutdown, what do you think you'll keep going at home this time? Or do you think you'll kind of take another little breather?
Jessie: I'm not sure it'll probably depend on what happens here like the the studio was going to before that had become my, you know, my home studio. They're planning to hopefully reopen in the fall, but I don't know if that's going to happen. And Washington is left definitely lucky in that. We haven't had any like massive spikes because at least recently because our governor has been very strategic about opening slowly and going county by county and assessing things and I think as of last week, he completely put a pause on all the reopening just to try to mitigate any potential problems. So I'm grateful that we have leadership that's doing the right thing, you know, with that, and I understand that, like, if he needs to make a decision to close everything down again, then that's perfectly reasonable. And I definitely, I think I would probably be a little bit more like motivated to try to get back and do it at home a little bit more partly because I have a better floor because I got myself some shower pan liner. So as I feel a little bit less nervous about trying to do anything, like, like, pirouettes or anything like that, because that was part of my issue was that my floor was so slippery that I couldn't ... One thing I fell on my butt a couple times. And I'll say I just was nervous to try to do anything that was too challenging because I didn't want to slip and fall, and it also didn't help me hold my turnout which is already not good to begin with so yeah it definitely makes a difference but it's like I don't know if you have one but my is almost too sticky because then I can't like I can't turn because my foot gets stuck on the floor so I'm trying to fix that someone said to use baby powder and another person tries to use water and water did help a little bit but then it dries so it's like the effects go away.
Julie: That's right. As I think you're right that the floor makes a big difference at home. Personally, as probably everyone seen in my videos on Instagram and YouTube and stuff I don't have a floor in my apartment yet and just have the hard carpet, but, um, which I mean, I don't do anything on it yet, just barre work and barre technique. But it is way preferable to me than doing it on wood floor, since the slippery natrue, I already have like a lot of anxiety about slipping especially, you know, in general,
Jessie: I had a really embarrassing story where it isn't my class it was last year and I did. There's one day that I did to triple pirouette, you know, to double pirouettes in a row. And I was like, I never done them for like, oh, and then like, literally the next class I went to go do one and I fell on my butt. It was so embarrassing. It was like, I just completely wiped out on my butt. And I was like, after doing two last class I got overexcited, I think, you know, I was like, I was anticipating it. You know, if I relaxed and I don't think about it, then I can usually do it, but
Julie: that's right. Yeah. Totally.
Getting onto Pointe soon!
Julie: So did you end up getting onto pointe?
Jessie: I haven't yet but I am going to very soon because one of my friends who I was taking class with at our studio here, that's nearby. She has started teaching at that studio and a very, very basic beginner class and I was texting her recently and I was like, you should think about trying to do some pointe. She's like, yeah, she's like, I think you're probably ready for it anyway. And so we have plans to try to get together and go get fitted, but her sister was sick, so she's wanting to make sure that her sister didn't have COVID-19 so the damper on like, our plans but but yeah, we're gonna hopefully do that and I'm my plan is hopefully take her evening classes she does that's like, really basic and do that en pointe. And then also do supplemental things with her and, like, learn the basics, you know, and, and do stuff at home too. So, and I also have you now, I could take your class now too, so if I get my shoes, so…
Julie: Very exciting. Yeah, that's such an exciting day!
Jessie: I'm so excited. I've been wanting to do it for so long and I'm having a hard time finding anywhere that will ever either work with This way scheduled because I have such a limited time windows I can come to class or that even lets adults do point or that has that option for somebody. So it's been it's been tough and definitely frustrating at times. So …
Julie: Yeah, it's definitely, it's definitely hard it's hard to find the right place to take point but when you do and you and you work on it, you everything starts to make sense about like, Oh, that's why we can't sickle, that's why we have to turn out Oh, okay,
Jessie: I really work on my balance because that was one of the main problems that I was having. Like I went and took a class with some kids this last summer and it was like, it was a pre point class and she basically assessed me to see if I was ready and she said, You're really close but you need to work on like your ankle flexibility a little bit more if you can, as much as you can. You know, I'm adult so we can only do so much you can do with that because your bones are set. So and also like working on my balance and not a desk definitely gotten a lot better. Like I've been on my feet. I think I've also just been a lot Stronger to like, I've been doing all my exercises with my theraband and all that. So that makes a difference.
Julie: Yeah, it does and I think we as adults can are sometimes very pleasantly surprised by how much our feet can change with we're a bit of a little bit of TLC.
Jessie: Yeah, well like I said before, when I was started the story you know, my feet were… I was pronating so badly, my arches would collapse so I had no arch. So my feet were basically flat but now they have an arch so which is crazy. I didn't think that I would actually change but now I haven't actually an arch. But now my all my shoes are too big, most of them don’t fit because my foot completely changed size too, so it could have been a contributing factor to but but it definitely like I think a lot of it is because my arch is more lifted, so then my feet aren't squishing down and flattening in my shoes, so they have room in my shoe.
Julie: Yeah, like having that having that arch collapse is super common. And a lot of people don't believe that they can make changes to that, so I'm glad to you know have have your have your testimonial out there that that you can work hard at it and get it improved.
Jessie: Yeah, definitely. Yeah, it definitely takes hard work and you have to you know, be wanting to change it but I started with like, a for a while I wore just completely like complete leather sole shoes with no no like split in the middle and that helps a lot building up the strength in my feet. And then they started to hurt because they are just like too much to like stop wearing them and I just very like Canvas, you know, like, it's basically the softest ones I can find because I like feeling like I can feel the floor. And um, but and I work on my theraband stuff and I try to do balances and things like that and try to get my ankles strong, but I don't have great ankle flexibility still, like especially this way [wing] I can obviously go this way [sickle] but this way [winging] is a lot harder. And I've gotten a lot better with like the flexion this way [pointing] so which I think was a lot of the.. that's part of being on point is you have to be able to get over enough.
Julie: Right? You want to point that foot far enough.
How did you learn about anatomy?
Julie: Just random observation, you use a lot of sort of almost medical sounding terms, do you? Is that because you've had great training with teachers who use these words like, you know, flexion and this sort of thing, or, or are you in that field?
Jessie: Oh, I'm not actually used to be a library worker. Yeah, yeah, I used to work for a public library system, but I just I watch a lot of videos about dance and you know, and it kind of the anatomy and I'm actually really interested in anatomy and like, how bodies work but I'm not I'm not good enough at math do that, so that's not something I would pursue but, but I definitely am interested in like, how bodies work you know, anatomically, especially in relation to dancers thing is fascinating honestly, like, how how the body can do so certain things and why it doesn't do certain things. So …
Julie: Yeah, it is fascinating. And I think I actually really enjoy hearing you use these technical terms because I think it's, we tend to think that you have to have a background in that stuff in order to understand it. And I think we forget that, if we can learn how to point our toes, why can't we learn about the body without having a degree in anatomy or degree in biology?
What’s next for you?
Julie: What are your what what do you see as your next goals for dancer is the journey, your main goal? What do you what do you see as like what you're looking forward to?
Jessie: I'm really looking forward to when we can finally like be in the studio more and be you know, and I'd really like to find a studio that's closer to me. But the options for adult ballet around here are really scarce. Like there's not much of anything, most of it's in Seattle, and I'm like an hour from Seattle plus, so and then that's without considering the traffic and everything too. So and it's like Yeah, so I it's not quite workable for me to go to downtown Seattle to take a class. So I'm going to try to find what I can you know, and so it's been frustrating to try to find classes or even options for me, you know, so I don't know if I have any, like long term goals other than I just like, you know, for a while I was like really set on trying to get my splits and all these things and like, you know what, like, if I get them that's fine if I don't, I don't I know that like, anatomically speaking, I’m never gonna get my middle split and that's fine. Like, if I can get my leg you know, to be nicely turned out where I can lift it to then that's fine with me, you know, but like if I'm, you know, eventually like to be at my front splits if I can, but you know, I haven't gotten I've been really bad about stretching so that's not something that's gonna happen anytime soon then so otherwise, I know I just like for I want to be able to take as many classes as I can, but it’s so hard because again, having the options To take classes and also having just the time to go to class has been tough. So yeah, and pointe was like the really big thing where like, I really was like pushing for that. So I'm really excited to finally like, be like at that point.
So yeah, I don't know if there's any, like other specific things that like, I think mostly I just want to improve like what I already know. And also just keep learning when I and learn things I don't know yet. So there's still a lot I feel like I don't know. And that's the challenge thing about being an adult that starts as an adult is like, you go into a class and you know, there's people that took class when they were little kids for their, for their whole lives, you know, and they know all of the steps, you know, and all of the how to do everything and then you go, you're an adult and you're like, Oh, well, I know how to do this, but I don't know how to do this, or I never seen this in my life. You know, you know, it's hard because you don't know and I think you've talked about that a little bit in your video too, about how it was frustrating how you didn't have progressive training, Or just like, you know, you're going to an open class and just like whatever you see is what you see. Right? You don't get anything beyond that, you know, that's that really helps you progress forward.
Julie: Yeah, it's easy to get stuck in a specific level because a levels are in a bucket instead of a ramp. So you are just in this level, and in the next level is not attainable for you, because they don't work on those things in the previous level.
Jessie: Yeah. And that's what happens in the class I go to is it It depends on who's there a long time. Because if there's like my friend Sarah, who goes, who is now teaching there, she's quite good. And she danced, you know, until she was a teenager so she can do some really advanced things. And so when she's there, he kind of pushes the class a little bit more to help her feel like she feels like it's worth her time. But then we have, you know, an 80 year old woman who can't do those things. So you have to like, you know, teach to everybody you know, and accommodate the all the levels and that's tough to do. You know, as a teacher, I think. I'm sure you get attest to that.
Julie: Yeah, well, I mean, And that's why I created our our Denver studios to be extremely hyper focus levels. Because as a teacher, I know that I'm not actually making anyone really happy. So I was I was very adamant about small classes and hyper-focused levels to help people find that. I mean, it's a little bit more difficult in the online world to create that experience. I believe that we all want to get from A to Z and not just like get dropped at M and get dropped at D and not what happens in the middle and that.
Jessie: Yeah. Especially if you want to explore other studios, you know, like I was saying before, it's hard because if you like, Okay, well, I'm an intermediate dancer, and then you go take an intermediate class, and you're like, this is, this isn't what I learned at my class, you know, and you're going, this is intermediate, you know, this is hard. This is a lot different than I thought it would be, you know, and like they're doing things that you don't know how to do or you know, it's a lot faster pace, even, you know, and things like that. So it's definitely, you know, it's definitely tough to try to find somewhere that will help you continue to progress, but also give you enough that you feel like you're learning and not being so flustered that you feel like you can't do it.
And I definitely felt like that before. Like in that class I took the last summer with the teenagers. It was like, it wasn't even necessarily a hard class. It just was like, you know, it was also my first time there, so I was nervous and everything too, And I think that had a lot to do with it too. And they were kids, so you know, there was that too, but it was also like, I had this feeling because the combinations were so quick, I was like, [panicking], you know, and even to him, like one time and they like had it and I was just like, Okay, I think I got half of that. So I will just follow that person. Yeah, yeah, it was pretty and he Um, I think part of it is just his teaching style. He's Balanchine-based kind of teacher. So it was all just like, really quick. And it was it was fun, but it also like, oh my god.
Julie: Yeah, sometimes it's fun to get pushed like that, but you do have to be that right mental state going into the open to that experience. Mm hmm.
Jessie: Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. I'm really grateful that they let me come to that class. Like the I emailed, I talked to the owner of the studio and they were like, super open to letting adults come to their classes. And they're like, yes, please come, we would love to have you. And it just was it felt really nice to be like, welcomed there and not be like, Oh, you're the adult dancer that's coming. Okay. You know, and I guess you can take class here.
Julie: Yeah, it does mean a lot. It does mean a lot to feel included in the world.
Final words of advice if you have always wanted to give it a try
Julie: I guess last question for you here. We have a lot of people who listen who follow you know us on on social media, who are, let's say, rewind three and a half years of your life at that stage of your life where they feel like there's many, many reasons why they're not going to be able to do this thing of ballet. Do you have any tips or advice for them on why it's worth it to get over that initial hurdle?
Jessie: I think honestly, you just have to make yourself go You know, and that's the hardest thing is making yourself go after you go with that first time and you experience it and you and especially if you have a good teacher in a good environment, then I feel like that really makes the difference because I've seen like on Facebook recently and I think it was in the Ballerinas by Night group might have been a different one, there was a woman that had a really awful experience somewhere where like, they just were like, downright mean to her and made her really not want to go and everyone in the comments was like, please just try to find a different studio and please go because it's not you know, don't let this define your experience of adult ballet because trust us there's so many better options and you will be you know, you will find a place that you feel comfortable and happy and accepted.
So I think that's a lot of it's just finding the right environment for you. And also just, you know, like I said, it was just making yourself go and do the thing you know, and that's the struggle to even with me is that I just make myself go and I get in my car and I go then I go. Because it was really nerve-wracking for me the first couple times I explored to other places, because, you know, I have a little bit of driving anxiety too. So it was like, you know, if you drive to a place and then after you go the first time, it's like, no big deal, okay, we can do this, you know, so and it's fine. So it's just, I think it's a matter of just, you know, being okay with trying it and being, you know, being open to trying something new. And I think, like I said before, I think a lot of it helps if you kind of have an idea of what to expect, because that's a lot of my thing is it with having anxieties that I worry about the what if stuff and you know, kind of get stuck in my head, but if I have an idea what to expect, and I can kind of think through things and it helps me have kind of a better mindset of what's, what's going to happen, so then I don't feel so anxious about it.
So if someone is kind of in that same situation, that's something they could do is, you know, look up videos about adult ballet and just start, you know, doing some research and learning about, you know, adult ballet and you can realize that, you know, you don't have to have perfect turnout. It's okay, you know, you're you're not going to train at the Bolshoi. Or maybe you are if you're really good And you have maybe you aren't you do have great turnout and you have great extensions and everything and you're, you know, there definitely is a place for people that you know, have become adult dancers who have gone further.
But you know, it's okay, if you don't though, I think that's a lot of times what people forget is it like, you don't have to be perfect. No one is perfect. Even people that have trained forever are not perfect. They have things that they don't, aren't, don't feel like they're good at, you know, but, um, but if you know, you're okay, the way you are, you know, it's okay to try and to, and if you decide that's not, it's not for you, then that's okay, too. You know, don't make yourself go if you decide that you don't like it, you know? What's the good in that? You know, try it doesn't hurt to try though, you know, and you don't have to be, you know, you don't have to have the perfect body. You don't have to have you know, you don't have to know everything either, you know, because if you have a good teacher, they'll help you learn those things, the terms and you know, and and nurture your experience.
Julie: It sounds awesome. There's really no reason not to give it a try if you're out there looking and definitely anything on your mind.
Jessie: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Julie: Well, it was so fun to have you on the show today.
Jessie: Yeah! I’m so glad we did it! I know we've been trying to connect and figure out how to make it work.
Julie: Thank you so much. It's been so fun to hear your story and kind of get a chance to actually see the meat the face behind the Instagram page.
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